When you think of a HOUSE, what comes to your mind? Me, I think of windows, walls, bedrooms, and a really big kitchen. When I think of a HOME,I think of laughter, family, joy, and relationships growing. A House is structure and a Home is what is inside the house.
What comes to your mind when you think of a body? Do you think of the bones, skin, teeth, and veins throughout our body? When you think of a person, do you think of personality, dreams, desires, mind, and heart.
If you think about it…Your body is basically your house. You live in your body. Your body is a structure. Whereas your home is You. Your home is your mind and your heart. Your home is what is inside your body.
In tough times, our house may get dirty. We do not take care of it, we forget to clean it and keep it sturdy. When disaster hits, we forget about our home, which results in us not interacting with others, and often we forget about the beauty and joy of our home.
When I was struggling the most, I had to learn how to rebuild my House. I also had to fix my Home. I had to build it and fill it back up with joy again. My house was falling apart piece by piece, which I did not realize. I was lost because of the tough times. My home was filled with nothing. There was no joy and no laughter. It is not easy to rebuild a house. You cannot rebuild it on your own either. It is not easy to fill up your home with love. It’s hard. You will need to allow others to help, and those who will help you are the people you wake up to and go to bed with. They are your army. They are the people that have been with you from the beginning and will stand behind until the end.
So how did I rebuild my house? Good question. The only way I know how to explain it is through a poem I wrote while I was in treatment.
MY HOUSE…
Darkness comes about in a home.
It shakes your walls and breaks through your windows.
All the parts you love get broken.
You feel sad, scared, and angry.
Why my house?
Why my place?
You question, you blame and then you hate.
You hate until it brings your house to the ground.
Then you stand outside looking at the ruins and think,
What have I done?
So, you attempt to fix.
But you fail.
And fail.
Over...
And over again....
You try to keep it a secret.
You’re afraid to ask for help.
But, deep down you know you can’t do it on your own.
So, try again…
And you still fail.
Until, you are staring at emptiness.
No structures.
Windows are gone.
And flowers are dead.
Someone then sees, and recognizes the emptiness.
They see the color gray, bones, and life taken away from your home.
So, they offer to help and then you push them away.
With open arms they continue to help.
Even as your pride says “you fix it on your own.”
But, slowly they help in little ways and small pieces come back together.
Numerous people come, you never recognized before.
They support and they love.
The structure grows stronger and windows become clearer.
Flowers are planted,
And a little sun starts shining.
Until one day, you see that the darkness wasn’t your fault.
It comes and it goes.
Some people came and may have thrown darkness at your house.
You may have let it in,
And allowed your house to fall.
But, you see that you can protect it with your army behind your back.
You do need help and you have help...
More help then you could ever imagine.
You still fail, but your help is always around.
Eventually, your house comes back to life.
Your walls come up stronger.
The windows are open.
The special things inside, shined with the light…like never before.
The colors are brighter.
The lights are sparkling.
There is life in the house.
You eventually stand outside looking in,
And you think to yourself.
This is my house.
I will protect it forever.
Darkness came
But, then it left.
I needed my help.
I needed to change.
This is my house.
I will water the plants.
I will clean the floors.
And decorate the halls.
I will warm the home with love.
I will continue to make it shine
And I will ALWAYS my army behind my back.
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