Comparing our life to others often gets us trapped in a cycle of insecurities, self-doubt, and feelings of failure. There have been countless times I compared myself to others and allowed those thoughts to affect my self-perception. I doubt my abilities and minimize my successes. Recently, I realized that comparisons are sometimes unavoidable and that they aren’t always a bad thing.
I started reading the book 101 Essays that will Change the Way You Think. This book has many hidden messages that can help you change your perspective on life and yourself. A couple of days ago I came across this quote…
“You question yourself. You doubt your life. You feel miserable some days. This means you’re still open to growth. This means you can be objective and self-aware. The best people go home at the end of the day and think: ‘or… maybe there’s another way.’” -101 Essays that will change the way you think
When reading this quote, I was in one of those phases where I was comparing myself to others. Am I a failure? Should I be doing something else with my life? Why do I not have that? What am doing wrong? I was questioning myself and doubting my life. During this phase, I become negative and unhappy.
I spoke to my therapist about how frustrated I was with feeling like I am “not” succeeding in life. My therapist made me make a list of the things I had and things I wanted based on a various of topics. Once we completed the exercise, she explained to me that two years ago I was complaining about how I didn't have the things I have now. It was honestly funny because the life I wanted to be living two years ago … I am living now.
After reading this quote, I realized what the point of that exercise was. Comparison aren’t always a bad thing. If you can be self-aware and know what you don’t have then you have the ability to grow. If you question yourself and doubt your life circumstances then you are open to growth and show a willingness to change.
Some of the most successful people have questioned and doubted themselves. Just because someone has achieved something doesn't mean you won't. Are comparison really about whether we are good enough not? Maybe they are just us questioning ourselves to see where we need to improve. Major companies like Apple and Amazon even compare their companies to others to see where they need to improve. I don't think the CEO of Apple looks at the company and says they sucks because they are lacking in certain areas. Comparison can help us learn to grow. They are a sign that there could be something inside of us that we need to bring out.
I have compared my life constantly to others. Every time I do I feel insecure... but ultimately something or someone showed me that I am comparing myself because I do not feel satisfy with the person I am. I am striving to be future version of myself. Just because I am not there yet doesn't mean I am not good enough. It is a sign that I am still growing. Sometimes growth means checking in with yourself or making a list about where you want to go.
If we are constantly looking on the other side of the fence maybe that means there is something inside of us that needs to grow.
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