The feeling of no one understanding you or that you are alone is a common emotion found in many individuals struggling with mental illness. Most of the time, people try to lean on others for support, but then feel frustrated that their feelings are not being validated. Which in return influences and increases the emotions of misunderstanding, frustration, and loneliness. Our loved ones may be sympathizing with our feelings, but are not truly understanding our feelings.
As a student in graduate school for Mental Health Counseling, I learned about empathy versus sympathy. With all the things going on in the world right now, I think it is important to understand the different between empathy and sympathy. I learned in graduate school that “Sympathy is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone’s else misfortune,”and “Empathy is the ability to understand one’s feelings.”
These definitions are very different which bring me to my next thought…
WHY DO PEOPLE AWAYS CONFUSE THE TWO?
Brene Brown explains the difference between sympathy and empathy perfectly in a cartoon video found on YouTube. In her video, she explains that empathy drives connection and sympathy drives disconnection. She explains, empathy as perspective taking, the ability to recognize another's perspective as their truth. Also, she states that empathy is staying out of judgement and recognizing the emotions in another person. A powerful statement she makes in the video is that … In order to connect with another, you have to connect with something inside of you that knows that feelings.
Sympathy, for example, is when someone says to you “Wow, that sucks,” or “At least you have job.” A lot of us try to fix our loved one’s problems instead of hearing them out. It can be uncomfortable to connect to another's emotion, so we try to just offer solutions to fix it. When we response to others by offering advice or solutions, we allow disconnection. People want to be heard and have their feeling validated.
Empathy is saying to someone, “You are feeling hurt and overwhelmed; I am glad you told me.” It is also asking question like, “How did that make you feel,” or saying phrases like, “I hear you and I am here for you.” It is supporting another individual emotionally. Sometimes it does not have to verbal, just sitting and listening helps a lot. Empathy is the ability to see someone story through their eyes. Empathy does not judge or choose sides. It is simply seeing another’s reality for what it is. This allows us to connect to others and put ourselves in their shoes rather than fix their wounds and hide their emotions.
The reason I believe it is important to understand the difference between the two is because it is needed in order to help others. We must first understand everyone’s feelings and perspectives. Empathy gives us the ability to do that! Having the ability to connect to someone's feelings gives you the chance to see the world in a different light. You are able to see the world in multiple colors and care for others more deeply. Empathy allows us to change the world because we can see the world in numerous perspectives.
Having the ability to connect with each other gives humans what they crave the most…
CONNECTION and UNDERSTANDING.
I recommend watching the Brene Brown’s YouTube video that is attached above.
Next time a friend or anyone tries opening up to you, practice empathy over sympathy. Allow yourself to connect to others more genuinely by finding that part in you that can feel what they are feeling.
You can help and change the world just by listening and validating someone’s feelings.
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